Making friends vs. networking: what's the difference?

Do you approach networking the same way you approach making friends? If so, your networking efforts could be less effective.

Making friends and networking are not the same things. Yes, both involve meeting new people and building relationships, but the end results are very different. But many people approach the two processes the same way, particularly women. As former Secretary of State Madeline Albright said, “women are really good at making friends and not good at networking.”

As a professional woman, my first instinct was to take offense to this statement. I know plenty of women with incredibly robust networks of other amazing women (and men). But research shows that Albright has a point.

First, research shows networking behaviors have a greater positive impact on the career outcomes of men than those of women. In fact, in some cases networking behavior actually had a negative impact on women’s compensation and other objective measures of career success. This might be because women have less access to power and influential people than men, due to societal constructs that have historically kept women from attaining power and influence.

Research by McKinsey backs up this hypothesis: men are more likely to have all-male networks, while women are more likely to have mixed or all-female networks. Since more men are in leadership positions, all-male networks could be giving men a bigger boost.

However, as power dynamics shift toward equality between men and women, women are gaining more positions of power and influence. But are they leveraging their access in the best way? While much of the discussion around making friends vs. networking is couched in terms of gender difference, both men and women can benefit from thinking critically about their networking efforts.

The key difference between making friends and networking is the intention of the relationship. A friend is someone that you can rely on for social or emotional support. A business contact is someone that you can work with, whether or not you have a social relationship. While many friends do business together, you should approach networking as a business opportunity rather than a social one.

For example, picture a networking event. There are dozens of professionals there to meet, mingle, and find potential customers or referral networks. Say you strike up a conversation with someone that also loves to go to Predators games, or cook, or read Stephen King novels. You spend an enjoyable hour getting to know this person through small talk, exchange numbers or emails, and leave thinking: “Wow, what a great conversation. Maybe they’ll know someone who can help with my business.”

But little did you know, there were several people in attendance who were looking for your products or services. You just didn’t speak to them, or even ask your new friend what they did for a living.

It’s a simplified example, but it illustrates how your mindset can affect the way you network. Rather than focusing on those that you could build a social connection with, bring the conversation around to business. Remember that everyone else is there to do business too.

Of course, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be friendly and polite. Striking a balance between small talk and actual networking is a difficult skill to master. Read more about networking effectively here.

The Chamber hosts some of the best networking events in Nashville. Check out our events calendar to see where we’ll be next.